well now

so seeing as how i have been, and probably, most likely, bet-ably WILL be, HORRIBLE at keeping touch with y'all lately, i've decided to plunge.  and start.  the blog.  since i do this ANYWAY with most all my emails (who was it that received the THREE-PAGE email not too long ago? yes! i printed it out!), i figured i'll "email" just once and give it to everyone.  and i'll even throw in some pictures from time to time.  well...don't quote me on that.

hi!!  i'm sitting here at 10:30, and i SHOULD be in dreamland right now (mmm, bbq), but getting more sleep just doesn't seem to be doing the trick for me.  maybe suckering y'all into reading my ramblings will help me get up feeling rested tomorrow.  yeessss...i'm already sensing i'll smile as i drift off to sleep.

sleep.  ha!  sleep is for suckers.  not for mothers who either take too many crazy meds or not enough, seeing as how my dreams are more like movies these days...the one i had last night just WON'T leave me alone...but i just can't QUIIIIIITE remember it enough to get the gist of it all.  (yes, gist is spelled correctly.  i looked it up because it DOES look funny, doesn't it?)  last night, i was in some big city, and i was bar-hopping (if anyone related to me is reading this, i was AT THE LIBRARY,) though it was with...monsters?  vampires?  vampires, i believe.  ON STILTS.  now, tell me...WHO HERE HAS EVER DREAMT OF VAMPIRES ON STILTS?  but wait!  it gets better...as i'm hanging out with stilted bloodsuckers, we see this batman-type spotlight in the night sky.  it's not a bird.  it's not a plane.  it's one SPOT IN TIME that WITCHES developed that's like full of witchcraft.  or something.  ANYWAY, it was MUCH more exotic or intriguing or whatever in my dream.  but still.  and i'm typing this out and it JUST NOW hits me...i wonder why i'm not RESTED in the morning?  VAMPIRES ON STILTS!!!  (if any of you steal this idea and turn it into a money-making something i'll kill you.  or suck your blood.  or throw you into my witchcraft time warp.  hmm...)

hi!!  i realize that most of you are no longer with me, and if you are, well...you're too scared to go to sleep now yourownselves.  but i'm rambling, which is something i do best.  not that i have to tell YOU.  *grin*

we, the kids and i, i mean, are doing well.  we are surviving each day as it hurdles at us, and we get by with MOSTLY half our stuff done, so we're good!  better than a month ago.  or a year ago.  i can't believe it's been a year since i moved!  i moved out, i moved in, i moved every which way but up, it seemed.  (past tense!  did you catch that??)  the month of august proved strange for me...it kept tapping me on my shoulder and then running away.  about the time i was about to go postal-er, i realized that it was a year since i had changed zip codes.  and i realized that as much as i thought i had completely E.F.F.E.D up, and i had, i had also gained quite a bit of ground.  i think the end of august was the time i actually stopped looking down at my feet and making sure i took each step...and i started to look just a bit down the road as i walked.  like now i can handle looking at a WEEK!!  sometimes.  but in a year, i moved quickly, plopped down with my kids in the middle of my parents' lives, moped and doped and groped and whatever other disgusting-sounding -ed word you can think of, got a job, got a place to live, and am now a FULL-TIME WORKING, SINGLE, MOTHER!!  this was EXACTLY the thing that feared me the MOST in life...and here i am, trying to wrassle that bitch to the ground!!!  (i'm sorry...i just CAN'T talk without cussing just a bit!  some words just FIT!!)  yee-haw!!  sometimes there's an exclamation point at the end of that "yee-haw."  sometimes there's just a dot.  most days, there's still a question mark.  but i'm still slingin' the lasso.  and i'm damn proud, i've realized.

the kids are absolutely amazing.  and they CONSISTENTLY have been!  someone said the wisest teacher is one who learns from her students...and i ain't sayin' i'm necessarily wise...i'm definitely sayin' my kids are incredible instructors.  i am constantly bragging on them, so grateful for their patience with me, with the situations, for their stability, for their ease of transition(S), for their trust! in me!!  how scary is it when you realize two tiny little bitty things completely put their everythings in you!?  talk about not wanting to E.F.F. up!!!  gosh!!  they are such blessings to me...and i know i owe them so much for the so much they have taken and yet not deserved.  (i know...get in line, right??)

so i love my job, and i love my house that MIIIIIGHT be together in a couple of years...but y'all will be glad to know i have THROWN AWAY (ok not really THROWN thrown away but just moved out) lots of stuff...and i still have some to go!  and i LIKE it!!  i have had great fun in shopping at the Habitat ReStore store...they sell a bunch of shit that couldn't even sell at people's garage sales...but i love going there...i have found a table and plates (i only had THREE plates and THREE bowls!) and coffee mugs (yes i NEEDED them) and two incredible lamps and a chair and socket covers and carpet squares and and and...dude.  they even have SALES.  and COUPONS!!!!!!  so please come over/by/around/through and sit a spell.  i have an INCREDIBL(y) (un)comfortable sleeper sofa, and floor!  lots of narrow floor!!  but i can buy you a blanket from the thrift store without too many moth holes in it (i know a guy) and febreeze a pillow for you!!  or you can bring your own, but whatever.  we would love to see you.

and i cut my own grass!!  this summer has been the taming of the mower.  and weedeater.  (if knee-high socks weren't made ESPECIALLY FOR WEEDEATIN'...) the very first adventure with the mower, it wouldn't work.  dad said to push the button three times and then pull the cord thingy.  so i pushed the button three times and i pulled the cord thingy.  and i pulled the cord thingy.  AND I PULLED THE CORD THINGY!! and i pulled my shoulder right out of socket.  a few times.  and then i called dad because THE DAMN THING IS BROKEN BEFORE I GOT IT WORKIN'.  so ON his way over, my dear friend (who shall remain nameless but has a penis) (i'm only assuming, that is) and his wife (my very dear friend) were visiting, and inquired about this stupid mower and just wanted to see what i was doing.  so i showed him.  i pushed the button three times.  and i pulled the cord thingy!  and dear friend says, "so you pushed the button three times and you pushed this lever down and you pulled the cord three times..." wait wait WAIT.  no one told me to push this lever down!!  IT'S RED, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!  RED MEANS THE WHOLE THING BLOWS UP!!  DAD WOULD HAVE TOLD ME TO PUSH THAT LEVER DOWN!!  do you KNOW how EASY it is to start a lawn mower when the lever is pushed down??  i was halfway done with my yard (all four rows of it) when dad showed up.  i think he laughed as hard as he did to keep from CHOKING me.

the NEXT mower adventure (i mean, it's ME) was when i was aaaaallllmost done and the thing sputters and stops.  dead.  i kind of freaked because i was having a liiiiittle too much fun running over stuff (i mean, it's COOL) and the thing dies!  out of gas.  i have a TOWNHOUSE.  with a tee-niny yard.  and it's out of gas?  (don't get me started on how to get a little three-gallon red gas can thingy home without spilling it.  have you ever made a nest for a gas can?  well, i have!)

the NEEEXT time i mowed, i had a burial service at the same time.  see, and let me tell you SERIOUSLY...you canNOT just run over doormats with a lawn mower like you can with a vacuum.

and a weedeater needs string to work.  and when it runs out of string, and it WILL when you're trying to beat the rain and you've counted your chickens before they hatched and were doing a happy dance about it, you will need to thread the E.F.F.I.N.G. thing with new string.  that's not found anywhere but the STORE.

and i could go on and on with house adventures (i BOUGHT MY VERYOWN CAN OF WD-40!), but since i'm sure i'm only talking to myself at this point, this is where i bow and exit (stage right).  oh wait...i forgot to thank you for making it through the end (hi, me!!).  i surely hope i haven't forgotten to thank EACH one of you for your incredible friendship and love.  and support.  and belief in me!  and vision when i didn't/don't have it.  and reassurance.  and food.  and non-mothed pillows and blankets.  and shoulders to cry on.  and laughter!  and life.  there's honestly not one day that goes by where i don't recognize how lucky i am, and how amazing it is that i have soooo many incredible people in my life.  please don't give up on me, even if you give up on my ramblin' blogs/emails.  i'll be back full-speed one day...and, if you're lucky, i'll leave the stilted vampires at home!  MUAH!!!